thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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