the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
