you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
