Do you still have your period?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
