why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
