um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
