You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
