I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
