that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
