yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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