my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
