one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
