I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
