I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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