you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
