I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
