There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
