I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
