WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
