either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
