please come you make the beer taste better
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
