and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
