Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im holly from the hills drunk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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