i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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