So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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