If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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