Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
