Rock
Scissors
Fuck
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
