cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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