Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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