Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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