I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
