i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
