...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
