i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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