So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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