Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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