i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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