a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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