Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
