did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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