At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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