What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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