1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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