I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
