shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
