i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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