You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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