glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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