Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
