Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
