I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
